Therapy Saved My Life

No really it did. 

 

However, not in the ways that you might think. 

 

It saved me from not living life as my most authentic self. 

 

During my adult life, I have spent countless hours on a couch in a dimly lit room, spilling my deepest darkest thoughts to a complete stranger. 

 

When the face of the world changed due to the pandemic, so did receiving mental health care. I now didn’t even have to leave the comfort of my own home to sort through my own issues. 

 

The irony. 

 

To Cathy. Who arguably spent some of my darkest days with me. In some little strip mall-like office that felt more uncomfortable than not. Helping me to sort through the confusing and soul crushing realization that the future I had envisioned for myself was no longer attainable. 

 

What the stages of grief would look like when one is processing the loss of a future self you would no longer have the pleasure of meeting. 

 

She challenged me to step outside of the comfortability I had been residing in my entire life and started the domino cascade of what would turn out to be some of my best life decisions to date. 

 

I think about all of the things that I would say to you if I were able to sit in your office for a 50-minute session next week. I’d like to think that you would be proud of me spreading my wings and finally marching to the beat of my own drum.

 

I took a break from therapy and working on myself when I first moved to Cincinnati. I spent my time learning about what life could look like when you are surrounded by nothing but endless opportunity. 

 

In looking at all of the times that I have decided to seek out therapy, there has always been a pivotal moment or thought that encouraged me to once again look within. I think therapy is a great tool, if used correctly, and at the right time but I understand that it is not for everyone. 

 

You have to be in the right mindset to sit down, face yourself and make the commitment to yourself to work on becoming the best version of you. 

 

I decided it was time to get back into therapy. Now began the painstaking process of finding a new provider. 

 

Oh, joy.

 

Whoever says that dating is harder than trying to find a therapist, I would like to challenge your thought. You’re simply wrong. 

 

 

I met with a woman whose name I can’t remember as our time was extremely short. We met once, and just like that date that you left, knowing you wouldn’t meet up again, I knew that we wouldn’t be compatible. 

 

I hit the ground running looking for another one and I came across Anycia. The first therapist that I had that really challenged the way I looked at myself and the situations I was navigating. 

 

She gave me homework. She encouraged me to buy books to further my knowledge on certain topics. She asked tough questions and really gave me the space to continue building my self-confidence and self-worth. 

 

Two of the most important things one can have. 

 

We discussed complacency and the ideas behind living a convenient lifestyle. Taking a further look into why I was so terrified of stepping outside of my comfort zone. 

 

I was tasked with taking myself on solo dates. First starting small by going to the movies or farmers market alone then when the timing was right, I moved onto bigger activities. Taking myself out to dinner, a sporting event or even concert. 

 

For what felt like the first time, I was given a space in which I felt like it was okay to fail. I didn’t have to be successful on my first try. I didn’t have to have it together all of the time. And the task of trying, alone, some days was more than enough. 

 

I wanted to navigate my world in a way that was kinder and more open minded. It was so important to learn how to regulate my emotions in a way that was no longer destructive to myself or those around me. In how I talked, acted, reacted, things needed a serious overhaul and to be honest, I had a lot of growing up to do. 

 

We spent 15 months together and I made tremendous personal progress. While I was looking forward to embarking on my traveling journey, that would mean having to find a new provider or taking another break from therapy. 

 

It was decided that since the transition that I was going to be facing was going to be so big it was probably in my best interest to find a therapist that was local to the Savannah area to help me get acclimated. 

 

Once again, I found myself figuratively swiping through providers in the area. There were two that seemed okay and my therapist contacted both of them and let them know of my situation and to ensure they were taking new patients. 

 

One didn’t bother responding and the other was able to see me the week after I arrived. Fingers crossed that her and I would get along and I wouldn’t have to shop around for someone else. 

 

I had my last appointment in Cincinnati sitting in an empty living room, on a desk chair that I bought off of Facebook MarketPlace while balancing my computer on a stack of Rubbermaid totes. Many tears were shed during this session. Overcome with sadness, fear, stress. You name it, I was feeling it. 

 

If I were to come across Anycia today, I would hope that she would be amazed with the progress I have continued to make over the last 18 months. I honestly think she would be both surprised and proud of me. 

 

I owe her a lot of the credit behind taking the initial leap of faith into the world of travel. 

 

 

My arrival to Savannah brought on more stress and doubt than I could have imagined. I literally couldn’t wait for my first appointment with my new therapist. 

 

It was the first Thursday after my family had left me in a new city, further than I had ever been from home and I jumped on a Zoom call with zero expectations. 

 

Kk, or what I refer to her as, turned out to be one of my biggest blessings yet. Throughout a journey in which things are changing constantly, she has been the one consistent thing. 

 

Much like my last provider, she has encouraged me to be brave, holds me accountable when it comes to setting my boundaries and has challenged me when I fall back into my old habits. 

 

She has encouraged me to really take in and remember what each and every experience has taught me along this journey. Good and bad. 

 

And during almost every session she tells me how proud of me she is. 

 

I truly think in another life her and I were meant to be best friends. 

 

The truest of testimonies to my progress was Kk telling me that she really can't believe that I am the same Abby that she received patient notes on about 18 months ago. 

 

 

It hasn’t been easy. It has been a tremendous effort.

 

The amount of time, energy, money and tears that I have put into this self-growth journey are immeasurable but I can say that I would not be the me that I am today without it. 

 

You just need the courage to start and a will to be the best version of yourself possible. 

 

Always remember that this is a marathon, not a sprint. Change won’t happen overnight and just when you think that you might have gotten past something, you’ll find yourself dealing with the emotions that come along with it sometimes years after it’s occurrence.

 

Healing isn’t linear. Growth isn’t linear. 

 

The only thing that should be is your ability to keep moving forward.

 

I am a better friend and daughter. I am a happier person. I am more patient and kind. I am more optimistic. 

 

I have changed. 

 

I am a better me. 

 

Therapy is not for everybody, but it sure is for me.